Family Problems and Guidance from Islam

Summary:

Our Islamic[1] values have been highly influenced by changing social and working practices, as we experience severe financial, work and relationship pressures and try to balance and plan our lives for our dear ones.  Often, people seek solutions to our modern life challenges through others’ advice, social media advice and law of the land-based strategies instead of referring to Islamic values and supplications. An article with overall family related matters are outlined in another article; i.e., https://hubeali.com/article/family-life-nikah-mutah-relationship-and-upbringing-children

Most family issues start with minor disagreements, followed by discord, ending in altercations and separations.  Negative, recurring thoughts induced by Iblis^-la make us speculate and be suspicious of others.  All of these lead to rage, which spirals into blaming, reprimanding and pointing up the slip-ups of the past, complicating the issues of the present.

When a loved one spills out an unkind and inappropriate word out of anger, we should ignore it – but why? As Allah^-azwj would not punish for something said out of rage, e.g.,

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي عُمَيْرٍ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ عَطِيَّةَ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ (عليه السلام) قَالَ كُنْتُ عِنْدَهُ وَ سَأَلَهُ رَجُلٌ عَنْ رَجُلٍ يَجِي‏ءُ مِنْهُ الشَّيْ‏ءُ عَلَى حَدِّ الْغَضَبِ يُؤَاخِذُهُ اللَّهُ بِهِ فَقَالَ اللَّهُ أَكْرَمُ مِنْ أَنْ يَسْتَغْلِقَ عَبْدَهُ وَ فِي نُسْخَةِ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ الْأَوَّلِ (عليه السلام) يَسْتَقْلِقَ عَبْدَهُ

Ali Bin Ibrahim, from his father, from Ibn Abu Umeyr, from Ali Bin Atiyya, who has said:

Abu Abdullah^-asws said, ‘I was in his^-asws presence and a man asked him^-asws about a man does (says) something out of anger, will Allah^-azwj Hold him responsible for it?’ So, he^-asws said: ‘Allah^‑azwj is more benevolent than Tying down His^-azwj servant’. And in a copy from Abu Al-Hassan the First^-asws: (in which Imam^-asws says that Allah^-azwj does not) Coerce (compel) His^-azwj servants to His^-azwj Submission (also the footnote for an additional Hadith).[2]

In another Hadith,

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ مُوسَى بْنِ سَعْدَانَ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ قَالَ لَا يَمِينَ فِي غَضَبٍ وَ لَا فِي قَطِيعَةِ رَحِمٍ وَ لَا فِي إِجْبَارٍ وَ لَا فِي إِكْرَاهٍ قُلْتُ أَصْلَحَكَ اللَّهُ فَمَا الْفَرْقُ بَيْنَ الْإِكْرَاهِ وَ الْإِجْبَارِ قَالَ الْإِجْبَارُ مِنَ السُّلْطَانِ وَ يَكُونُ الْإِكْرَاهُ مِنَ الزَّوْجَةِ وَ الْأُمِّ وَ الْأَبِ وَ لَيْسَ ذَلِكَ بِشَيْ‏ءٍ

Ali Bin Ibrahim, from Muhammad Bin Ali, from Musa Bin Sa’dan, from Abdullah Bin Al Qasim, from Abdullah Bin Sinan, from;

Abu Abdullah^-asws has said: ‘There is no swearing of an oath during angers, nor regarding cutting off of a relationship, nor during compulsion, nor during coercion (force/pressure)’. I said, ‘May Allah^-azwj Keep you^-asws well! So, what is the difference between the coercion and the compulsion?’ He^-asws said: ‘The compulsion is from the Sultan (ruling authority), and the coercions happens from the wife, and the mother, and the father, and that is not with anything’.[3]

Rasool Allah^-saww Has Forbidden disciplining when in anger:

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ أَسْبَاطٍ عَنْ بَعْضِ أَصْحَابِنَا قَالَ نَهَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) عَنِ الْأَدَبِ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

Ali Bin Ibrahim, from his father, from Ali Bin Asbat, from one of our companions who said,

‘Rasool-Allah^-saww forbade from the disciplining during the anger’.[4]

How to control Anger

الأمالي للصدوق عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ سَعْدٍ عَنِ ابْنِ عِيسَى عَنِ ابْنِ فَضَّالٍ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ عُقْبَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ أَبِي بَصِيرٍ عَنِ الصَّادِقِ عَنْ أَبِيهِ ع‏ أَنَّهُ ذُكِرَ عِنْدَهُ الْغَضَبُ فَقَالَ إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَيَغْضَبُ حَتَّى مَا يَرْضَى أَبَداً وَ يَدْخُلُ بِذَلِكَ النَّارَ

(The book) ‘Al Amaali’ of Al-Sadouq – From his father, from Sa’ad, from Ibn Isa, from Ibn Fzzal, from Ali Bin Uqbad, from his father, from Abu Baseer,

‘From Al-Sadiq^-asws, from his^-asws father^-asws, the anger had been mentioned in his^-asws presence. He^-asws said: ‘The man tends to get angry to the extent that he is not pleased for ever, and due to that, he enters the Fire.

فَأَيُّمَا رَجُلٍ غَضِبَ وَ هُوَ قَائِمٌ فَلْيَجْلِسْ فَإِنَّهُ سَيَذْهَبُ عَنْهُ رِجْزُ الشَّيْطَانِ وَ إِنْ كَانَ جَالِساً فَلْيَقُمْ وَ أَيُّمَا رَجُلٍ غَضِبَ عَلَى ذِي رَحِمِهِ فَلْيَقُمْ إِلَيْهِ وَ لْيَدْنُ مِنْهُ وَ لْيَمَسَّهُ فَإِنَّ الرَّحِمَ إِذَا مَسَّتِ الرَّحِمَ سَكَنَتْ‏

Whoever man gets angry while he is standing, so let him sit down, so the uncleanness of Satan^-la will go away from him, and if he were to be seated, so let him stand up; and whichever man gets angry upon the one with his kinship, let him go to him and let him go near him, and let him touch him, for the kindred, when he touches the kindred, it (anger) will subside’’.[5]

Similarly, in another Hadith, one is advised to drink water;

 سَهْلُ بْنُ زِيَادٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ شَمُّونٍ الْبَصْرِيِّ عَنْ أَبِي طَيْفُورٍ الْمُتَطَبِّبِ قَالَ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ الْمَاضِي ( عليه السلام ) فَنَهَيْتُهُ عَنْ شُرْبِ الْمَاءِ فَقَالَ ( عليه السلام ) وَ مَا بَأْسٌ بِالْمَاءِ وَ هُوَ يُدِيرُ الطَّعَامَ فِي الْمَعِدَةِ وَ يُسَكِّنُ الْغَضَبَ وَ يَزِيدُ فِي اللُّبِّ وَ يُطْفِئُ الْمِرَارَ

Sahl Bin Ziyad, from Muhammad Bin Al Hassan Bin Shamoun Al Basry, from Abu Tayfour Al Mutattab who said,

‘I went over to Abu Al-Hassan Al-Maazy^-asws (7th Imam^-asws), so I said something negative about drinking the water, so he^-asws said: ‘And what is the problem with the water and it revolves the food in the stomach, and it (water) settles the anger, and increases in the understanding ability, and extinguishes the bitterness’.[6]

One should not publicise a Momin’s sins

One must also not mention the known faults and sins, e.g.;

وَ أَرْوِي أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ كَانَ يُقَسِّمُ لَحَظَاتِهِ بَيْنَ جُلَسَائِهِ وَ مَا سُئِلَ عَنْ شَيْ‏ءٍ قَطُّ فَقَالَ لَا بِأَبِي وَ أُمِّي وَ لَا عَاتَبَ أَحَداً عَلَى ذَنْبٍ أَذْنَبَ

And I am reporting, ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww used to apportion his^-saww glances between his^-saww gatherers, and he^-saww was not asked about anything at all, so he^-saww had said: ‘No, by my^-saww father^-as and my^-saww mother^-as!’, and he^-saww did not fault anyone upon a sin he had sinned’.

وَ نَرْوِي مَنْ عَرَّضَ لِأَخِيهِ الْمُؤْمِنِ فِي حَدِيثِهِ فَكَأَنَّمَا خَدَشَ وَجْهَهُ

And we are reporting: ‘One who exposes his Momin brother regarding his narration, so it is as if he has scratched his face’ (an extract).[7]

The right of an advisor (intermediatory):

وَ حَقُّ النَّاصِحِ أَنْ تُلِينَ لَهُ جَنَاحَكَ وَ تُصْغِيَ إِلَيْهِ بِسَمْعِكَ فَإِنْ أَتَى بِالصَّوَابِ حَمِدْتَ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ إِنْ لَمْ يُوَافِقْ رَحِمْتَهُ وَ لَمْ تَتَّهِمْهُ وَ عَلِمْتَ أَنَّهُ أَخْطَأَ وَ لَمْ تُؤَاخِذْهُ‏ بِذَلِكَ إِلَّا أَنْ يَكُونَ مُسْتَحِقّاً لِلتُّهَمَةِ فَلَا تَعْبَأْ بِشَيْ‏ءٍ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ عَلَى حَالٍ وَ لَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and a right of the adviser is that you should soften your wings to him and listen intently to him with your ears.

If he comes with the correctness, praise Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic, and if he is no compatible, be merciful to him, and do not accuse him, and (when you) know that he has erred then do not seize him with that, except if he happens to be deserving of the accusation, then do not toil (grill him) with anything from his matters upon any situation, and there is no strength except with Allah^-azwj (an extract).[8]

When Rage Shames us:

Sometimes, disagreements lead to the use of inappropriate dialogs ending up in serious altercations, which are totally un-Islamic!  For example:

رُوِيَ أَنَّهُ ع كَانَ‏ جَالِساً فِي‏ أَصْحَابِهِ- [إِذْ مَرَّتْ‏] فَمَرَّتْ بِهِمُ امْرَأَةٌ جَمِيلَةٌ فَرَمَقَهَا الْقَوْمُ بِأَبْصَارِهِمْ فَقَالَ ع- إِنَّ أَبْصَارَ هَذِهِ الْفُحُولِ طَوَامِحُ‏ وَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ سَبَبُ هِبَابِهَا فَإِذَا نَظَرَ أَحَدُكُمْ إِلَى امْرَأَةٍ تُعْجِبُهُ فَلْيُلَامِسْ أَهْلَهُ فَإِنَّمَا هِيَ امْرَأَةٌ كَامْرَأَتِهِ فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنَ الْخَوَارِجِ قَاتَلَهُ اللَّهُ كَافِراً مَا أَفْقَهَهُ- [قَالَ‏] فَوَثَبَ الْقَوْمُ لِيَقْتُلُوهُ فَقَالَ ع رُوَيْداً إِنَّمَا هُوَ سَبٌّ بِسَبٍّ أَوْ عَفْوٌ عَنْ ذَنْبٍ‏

It is reported that Imam Ali^-asws Ibn Abu Talib^-asws was sitting with his^-asws companions when a beautiful woman passed by and they began to look at her. It was then that Imam Ali^-asws Ibn Abu Talib^-asws said: The eyes of these men are covetous, and such glances are the cause of their becoming covetous. Whenever anyone of you sees a woman who attracts him, he should meet his wife [for cohabitation] because she is a woman just like his wife.

(At that) One of the Kharijites (sitting there) said: “May Allah^-azwj Kill this heretic (Nouzobillah – God Forbid)! How logical he^-asws is!”

People (from the gathering) then leapt towards him to kill him, but Imam Ali^-asws Ibn Abu Talib^‑asws said: “Wait a little bit. There should either be abuse [for an abuse] or else (better) pardoning from the offence.”[9]

Allah^-azwj Has Given the Foremost Rights to Parents:

Parents are to be respected even if they are without faith, are unjust in harshness or even if they hit their adult children:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا {2317:}

And your Lord has Decreed that you shall not worship except Him, and goodness with the parents. If they reach old age with you, one of them or both of them, then do not (even) say ‘Ugh’ to them nor repel them, and say gracious words to them [17:23]

و عنه بإسناده عن يحيى بن إبراهيم بن أبي البلاد، عن أبيه، عن جده، عن أبي عبد الله (عليه السلام) قال: «لو علم الله شيئا أدنى من أف لنهى عنه و هو من أدنى العقوق، و من العقوق أن ينظر الرجل إلى والديه فيحد النظر إليهما»

And from him (Yaqoub Al Kulayni), from Yahya Bin Ibrahim Bin Abu Al Bilad, from his father, from his grandfather,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Abdullah^asws having said: ‘Had there been in the Knowledge of Allah^azwj anything smaller than ‘Ugh’ (that a person could say), He^azwj would have Prohibited from it, and it (Saying of ‘Ugh’) is the least of the disobedience. And from the disobedience is that the man looks at his parents, so his looks (like) stare (disrespectful) at them’.[10]

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى وَ عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ جَمِيعاً عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ مَحْبُوبٍ عَنْ أَبِي وَلَّادٍ الْحَنَّاطِ قَالَ سَأَلْتُ أَبَا عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ بِالْوالِدَيْنِ إِحْساناً مَا هَذَا الْإِحْسَانُ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Isa, and Ali Bin Ibrahim, from his father, altogether from Al Hassan Bin Mahbooub, from Abu Wallad Al Hannat who said,

‘I asked Abu Abdullah^asws about the Words of Allah^azwj Mighty and Majestic: and goodness with the parents [17:23]. What is this goodness?’

فَقَالَ الْإِحْسَانُ أَنْ تُحْسِنَ صُحْبَتَهُمَا وَ أَنْ لَا تُكَلِّفَهُمَا أَنْ يَسْأَلَاكَ شَيْئاً مِمَّا يَحْتَاجَانِ إِلَيْهِ وَ إِنْ كَانَا مُسْتَغْنِيَيْنِ أَ لَيْسَ يَقُولُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ لَنْ تَنالُوا الْبِرَّ حَتَّى تُنْفِقُوا مِمَّا تُحِبُّونَ

So he^asws said: ‘The goodness is that you are good in their company, and that you do not encumber them if they were to ask you from what they are both needy to, and even if they were both self-sufficient. Isn’t Allah^azwj Mighty and Majestic Saying: You will never attain to righteousness until you are spending from what you are loving; and whatever you are spending from anything, so Allah is more Knowing with it [3:92].

قَالَ ثُمَّ قَالَ أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) وَ أَمَّا قَوْلُ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُما أَوْ كِلاهُما فَلا تَقُلْ لَهُما أُفٍّ وَ لا تَنْهَرْهُما قَالَ إِنْ أَضْجَرَاكَ فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَ لَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا إِنْ ضَرَبَاكَ قَالَ وَ قُلْ لَهُما قَوْلًا كَرِيماً قَالَ إِنْ ضَرَبَاكَ فَقُلْ لَهُمَا غَفَرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمَا فَذَلِكَ مِنْكَ قَوْلٌ كَرِيمٌ

He (the narrator) said, ‘Then Abu Abdullah^asws said: ‘And as for the Words of Allah^azwj Mighty and Majestic: If they reach old age with you, one of them or both of them, then do not (even) say ‘Ugh’ to them [17:23], if they were to bore you so neither say ‘Ugh’ to them nor chide them if they were to hit you, and say gracious words to them [17:23]. If they do strike you, so say to them both, ‘May Allah^azwj Forgive you both’, so that would constitute a gracious word from you’.

قَالَ وَ اخْفِضْ لَهُما جَناحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ قَالَ لَا تَمْلَأُ عَيْنَيْكَ مِنَ النَّظَرِ إِلَيْهِمَا إِلَّا بِرَحْمَةٍ وَ رِقَّةٍ وَ لَا تَرْفَعْ صَوْتَكَ فَوْقَ أَصْوَاتِهِمَا وَ لَا يَدَكَ فَوْقَ أَيْدِيهِمَا وَ لَا تَقَدَّمْ قُدَّامَهُمَا

He^asws said: ‘And lower to them the wings of humbleness from the mercy [17:24]. He^asws said: ‘Do not fill your eyes from looking towards them, except with mercy and kindness, and do not raise your voice above their voices, and let not your hand be above their hands, and do not walk in front of them’.[11]

Serve Parents even if they are from the enemies of Ahl Al-Bayt^-asws:

عَنْهُ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ عَنْ سَيْفِ بْنِ عَمِيرَةَ عَنْ أَبِي الصَّبَّاحِ عَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ رَجُلًا يَقُولُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) إِنَّ لِي أَبَوَيْنِ مُخَالِفَيْنِ فَقَالَ بَرَّهُمَا كَمَا تَبَرُّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ مِمَّنْ يَتَوَلَّانَا

From him, from Ali Bin Al Hakam, from Sayf Bin Ameyra, from Abu Al Sabbah, from Jabir who said,

‘I heard a man saying to Abu Abdullah^-asws that for me are parent who are both adversaries’ (nasabis – enemies of Ahl Al-Bayt^-asws). So he^-asws said: ‘Be righteous with both of them just as you would be righteous with the Muslims from the one who befriend us^-asws’.[12]

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ وَ مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ جَمِيعاً عَنِ ابْنِ مَحْبُوبٍ عَنْ مَالِكِ بْنِ عَطِيَّةَ عَنْ عَنْبَسَةَ بْنِ مُصْعَبٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ ثَلَاثٌ لَمْ يَجْعَلِ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ لِأَحَدٍ فِيهِنَّ رُخْصَةً أَدَاءُ الْأَمَانَةِ إِلَى الْبَرِّ وَ الْفَاجِرِ وَ الْوَفَاءُ بِالْعَهْدِ لِلْبَرِّ وَ الْفَاجِرِ وَ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ بَرَّيْنِ كَانَا أَوْ فَاجِرَيْنِ

Ali Bin Ibrahim, from his father, and Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad, altogether from Ibn Mahboub, from Malik Bin Atiyya, from Anbasa Bin Mus’ab,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Ja’far^-asws having said: ‘Three (matters), Allah^-azwj did not Give an allowance regarding these – Paying back the entrustment to the righteous and the immoral, and the loyalty with the pact to the righteous and the immoral, and being righteous with the parents, whether they were righteous or ‘فَاجِرَيْنِ’ immoral (wicked)’.[13]

عَنْهُ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنِ الْحَكَمِ بْنِ مِسْكِينٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مَرْوَانَ قَالَ قَالَ أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) مَا يَمْنَعُ الرَّجُلَ مِنْكُمْ أَنْ يَبَرَّ وَالِدَيْهِ حَيَّيْنِ وَ مَيِّتَيْنِ يُصَلِّيَ عَنْهُمَا وَ يَتَصَدَّقَ عَنْهُمَا وَ يَحُجَّ عَنْهُمَا وَ يَصُومَ عَنْهُمَا فَيَكُونَ الَّذِي صَنَعَ لَهُمَا وَ لَهُ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَيَزِيدَهُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ بِبِرِّهِ وَ صِلَتِهِ خَيْراً كَثِيراً

From him, from Muhammad Bin Ali, from Al Hakam Bin Miskeen, from Muhammad Bin Marwan who said,

‘Abu Abdullah^-asws said: ‘What prevents the man from you from being righteous with his parents, be they alive or dead. He can pray Salāt on their behalf, and give charity on their behalf, and perform Hajj on their behalf, and Fast on their behalf. Thus, that which he does for them both would happen to for him, the like of that, and Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic would Increase him, due to his righteousness, and his kinship, a lot of good’.[14]

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ مُعَمَّرِ بْنِ خَلَّادٍ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا ( عليه السلام ) أَدْعُو لِوَالِدَيَّ إِذَا كَانَا لَا يَعْرِفَانِ الْحَقَّ قَالَ ادْعُ لَهُمَا وَ تَصَدَّقْ عَنْهُمَا وَ إِنْ كَانَا حَيَّيْنِ لَا يَعْرِفَانِ الْحَقَّ فَدَارِهِمَا فَإِنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) قَالَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَعَثَنِي بِالرَّحْمَةِ لَا بِالْعُقُوقِ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Isa, from Moammar Bin Khalid who said,

‘I said to Abu Al-Hassan Al-Reza^-asws, ‘Should I supplicate for my parents when they do not recognise the truth (Al-Wilayah)?’ He^-asws said: ‘Supplicate for them both and give charity on their behalf; and if they were alive not recognising the truth (Al-Wilayah), so circle around them (introduce to them the Al-Wilyah), for Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘Allah^-azwj Sent me^-saww with the Mercy, not with the ingratitude’.[15]

الكافي عَنِ الْعِدَّةِ عَنِ الْبَرْقِيِّ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ وَهْبٍ عَنْ زَكَرِيَّا بْنِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ قَالَ: كُنْتُ نَصْرَانِيّاً فَأَسْلَمْتُ وَ حَجَجْتُ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع فَقُلْتُ إِنِّي كُنْتُ عَلَى النَّصْرَانِيَّةِ وَ إِنِّي أَسْلَمْتُ

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From the number, from Al Barqy, from Ali Bin Al Hakam, from Muawiya Bin Wahab, from Zakariya Bin Ibrahim who said,

‘I used to be a Christian. I became a Muslim and performed Hajj. I entered to see Abu Abdullah^‑asws. I said, ‘I used to be upon the Christianity, and I have become a Muslim’.

فَقَالَ وَ أَيَّ شَيْ‏ءٍ رَأَيْتَ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ

He^-asws said: ‘And which have you seen in Al-Islam?’

قُلْتُ قَوْلُ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَ‏ ما كُنْتَ تَدْرِي مَا الْكِتابُ وَ لَا الْإِيمانُ‏ وَ لكِنْ جَعَلْناهُ نُوراً نَهْدِي بِهِ مَنْ نَشاءُ

I said, ‘Words of Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic: You (people) did not know what the Book was, nor the Eman, but We Made it a ‘Noor’ (Light) We Guide with one We so Desire from [42:52]’.

فَقَالَ لَقَدْ هَدَاكَ اللَّهُ ثُمَّ قَالَ اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِهِ ثَلَاثاً سَلْ عَمَّا شِئْتَ يَا بُنَيَّ

He^-asws said: ‘Allah^-azwj has Guided you!’ Then he^-asws said: ‘O Allah^-azwj, Guide him!’ – three times – ‘Ask about whatever comes to you, O my son!’

فَقُلْتُ إِنَّ أَبِي وَ أُمِّي عَلَى النَّصْرَانِيَّةِ وَ أَهْلَ بَيْتِي وَ أُمِّي مَكْفُوفَةُ الْبَصَرِ فَأَكُونُ مَعَهُمْ وَ آكُلُ فِي آنِيَتِهِمْ

I said, ‘My father and my mother are upon the Christianity, and so are my family members, and my mother is blind of sight. I happen to be with them and eat in their utensils’.

فَقَالَ يَأْكُلُونَ لَحْمَ الْخِنْزِيرِ

He^-asws said: ‘Are they eating the flesh of swine?’

فَقُلْتُ لَا وَ لَا يَمَسُّونَهُ

I said, ‘No, nor are they touching it’.

فَقَالَ لَا بَأْسَ فَانْظُرْ أُمَّكَ فَبَرَّهَا فَإِذَا مَاتَتْ فَلَا تَكِلْهَا إِلَى غَيْرِكَ كُنْ أَنْتَ الَّذِي تَقُومُ بِشَأْنِهَا وَ لَا تُخْبِرَنَّ أَحَداً أَنَّكَ أَتَيْتَنِي حَتَّى تَأْتِيَنِي بِمِنًى إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ

He^-asws said: ‘There is no problem. Look at your mother and be kind with her. When she dies, do not allocate her to someone else. You be the one who stands with her affairs (funeral etc.) and do not inform anyone you have come to me^-asws until you come to me^-asws at Mina if Allah^‑azwj so Desires’.

قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ بِمِنًى وَ النَّاسُ حَوْلَهُ كَأَنَّهُ مُعَلِّمُ صِبْيَانٍ هَذَا يَسْأَلُهُ وَ هَذَا يَسْأَلُهُ فَلَمَّا قَدِمْتُ الْكُوفَةَ أَلْطَفْتُ لِأُمِّي وَ كُنْتُ أُطْعِمُهَا وَ أَفْلِي ثَوْبَهَا وَ رَأْسَهَا وَ أَخْدُمُهَا

He said, ‘I came to him^-asws at Mina and the people were around him^-asws. It was as if he^-asws was a teacher of the children. This one was asking him^-asws, and this one was asking him^-asws. When I arrived at Al-Kufa I was kind to my mother, and used to feed her, and wash her clothes and her head, and I served her.

فَقَالَتْ لِي يَا بُنَيَّ مَا كُنْتَ تَصْنَعُ بِي هَذَا وَ أَنْتَ عَلَى دِينِي فَمَا الَّذِي أَرَى مِنْكَ مُنْذُ هَاجَرْتَ فَدَخَلْتَ فِي الْحَنِيفِيَّةِ

She said to me, ‘O my son! You have not been doing this with me while you were upon my religion. So, what is that which I see with you since you emigrated and entered into the uprightness?’

I said, ‘A man from the sons^-asws of our Prophet^-saww had instructed me with this’.

فَقَالَتْ هَذَا الرَّجُلُ هُوَ نَبِيٌّ

She said, ‘This man, is he a Prophet^-as?’

فَقُلْتُ لَا وَ لَكِنَّهُ ابْنُ نَبِيٍّ

I said, ‘No, but he^-asws is a son^-asws of a Prophet^-saww’.

فَقَالَتْ يَا بُنَيَّ هَذَا نَبِيٌّ إِنَّ هَذِهِ وَصَايَا الْأَنْبِيَاءِ

She said, ‘O my son! This one is a Prophet^-saww! These are advices of the Prophets^-as’.

فَقُلْتُ يَا أُمَّهْ إِنَّهُ لَيْسَ يَكُونُ بَعْدَ نَبِيِّنَا نَبِيٌّ وَ لَكِنَّهُ ابْنُهُ

I said, ‘O mother! The isn’t going to be any Prophet^-as after our Prophet^-saww, but he^-asws is his^‑saww son^-asws’.

فَقَالَتْ يَا بُنَيَّ دِينُكَ خَيْرُ دِينٍ اعْرِضْهُ عَلَيَّ

She said, ‘O my son! Your religion is the best religion. Present it unto me!’

فَعَرَضْتُهُ عَلَيْهَا فَدَخَلَتْ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ وَ عَلَّمْتُهَا فَصَلَّتِ الظُّهْرَ وَ الْعَصْرَ وَ الْمَغْرِبَ وَ الْعِشَاءَ الْآخِرَةَ ثُمَّ عَرَضَ لَهَا عَارِضٌ فِي اللَّيْلِ

I presented it to her. She entered into Al-Islam, and I taught her. She prayed Al-Zohr, and Al-Asr, and Al-Maghrib, and Al-Isha the last Salats. Then a presenter presented to her (in a dream) during the night.

فَقَالَتْ يَا بُنَيَّ أَعِدْ عَلَيَّ مَا عَلَّمْتَنِي

She said, ‘O my son! Repeat unto me what you have taught me’.

فَأَعَدْتُهُ عَلَيْهَا فَأَقَرَّتْ بِهِ وَ مَاتَتْ فَلَمَّا أَصْبَحَتْ كَانَ الْمُسْلِمُونَ الَّذِينَ غَسَّلُوهَا وَ كُنْتُ أَنَا الَّذِي صَلَّيْتُ عَلَيْهَا وَ نَزَلْتُ فِي قَبْرِهَا

I repeated it to her. She acknowledged with it, and she died. When it was morning, the Muslims were the ones who washed her, and I was the one whom prayed Salat upon her and descended into her grave’’.[16]

المجالس للمفيد أَحْمَدُ بْنُ الْوَلِيدِ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ الصَّفَّارِ عَنِ ابْنِ مَعْرُوفٍ عَنِ ابْنِ مَهْزِيَارَ عَنْ بَكْرِ بْنِ صَالِحٍ قَالَ: كَتَبَ صِهْرٌ لِي إِلَى أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ الثَّانِي ع أَنَّ أَبِي نَاصِبٌ خَبِيثُ الرَّأْيِ وَ قَدْ لَقِيتُ مِنْهُ شِدَّةً وَ جَهْداً فَرَأْيُكَ جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ فِي الدُّعَاءِ لِي وَ مَا تَرَى جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ أَ فَتَرَى أَنْ أُكَاشِفَهُ أَمْ أُدَارِيَهُ

(The book) ‘Al Majaalis’ of Al Mufeed – Ahmad Bin Al Waleed, from his father, from Al Saffar, from Ibn Marouf, from Ibn Mahziyar, from Bakr Bin Salih who said,

‘A brother-in-law of mine wrote to Abu Ja’far^-asws the 2^nd, ‘My father is a Nasibi (hostile one) of the wicked views, and I am facing hardship from him and struggle. So what is your^-asws view, may I be sacrificed for you^-asws, regarding the supplicating for me, and what do you^-asws view, may I be sacrificed for you^-asws, shall I expose him or manage him (my nasibi father)?’

فَكَتَبَ قَدْ فَهِمْتُ كِتَابَكَ وَ مَا ذَكَرْتَ‏ مِنْ أَمْرِ أَبِيكَ وَ لَسْتُ أَدَعُ الدُّعَاءَ لَكَ إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ وَ الْمُدَارَاةُ خَيْرٌ لَكَ مِنَ الْمُكَاشَفَةِ وَ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرٌ فَاصْبِرْ إِنَّ الْعاقِبَةَ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ‏ ثَبَّتَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَى وَلَايَةِ مَنْ تَوَلَّيْتَ نَحْنُ وَ أَنْتُمْ فِي وَدِيعَةِ اللَّهِ الَّتِي لَا يَضِيعُ وَدَائِعُهُ

He^-asws wrote: ‘I^-asws have understood your letter and what you mentioned from the matter of your father, and I^-asws wouldn’t leave supplicating for you, if Allah^-azwj so Desires, and the managing is better for you than the exposing (your father), and with the difficulty there is ease. Be patient, for the end-result is for the pious. May Allah^-azwj affirm you upon the friendship of the one you have befriended. We^-asws and you are in a deposit of Allah^-azwj Who does not Waste His^-azwj deposits’.

قَالَ بَكْرٌ فَعَطَفَ اللَّهُ بِقَلْبِ أَبِيهِ حَتَّى صَارَ لَا يُخَالِفُهُ فِي شَيْ‏ءٍ

Bakr (the narrator) said, ‘Allah^-azwj Turned the heart of his father until he became not opposing him regarding anything’’.[17]

It’s Mandatory to Respect and Care for Parents

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ بَحْرٍ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مُسْكَانَ عَمَّنْ رَوَاهُ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ قَالَ وَ أَنَا عِنْدَهُ لِعَبْدِ الْوَاحِدِ الْأَنْصَارِيِّ فِي بِرِّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ فِي قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ بِالْوالِدَيْنِ إِحْساناً فَظَنَنَّا أَنَّهَا الْآيَةُ الَّتِي فِي بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ وَ قَضى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَ بِالْوالِدَيْنِ إِحْساناً

A number of our companions, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Khalid, from his father, from Abdullah Bin Bahr, from Abdullah Bin Muskan, from the one who reported it,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Abdullah^-asws having said to Abdul Wahid Al-Ansary, and I was in his^-asws presence, regarding the righteousness with the parents in the Words of Allah^-azwj and the goodness to the two parents [17:23], and we thought that it is a Verse which is regarding the Children of Israel And your Lord has Decreed that you shall not worship except Him, and goodness to your parents [17:23].

فَلَمَّا كَانَ بَعْدُ سَأَلْتُهُ فَقَالَ هِيَ الَّتِي فِي لُقْمَانَ وَ وَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسانَ بِوالِدَيْهِ حُسْناً وَ إِنْ جاهَداكَ عَلى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي ما لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُما

So, when it was afterwards I had asked the Imam^-asws, so he^-asws said: ‘It is that which is in (Surah) Luqman^-as And We have enjoined on human being goodness to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them [29:8].

فَقَالَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ أَعْظَمُ مِنْ أَنْ يَأْمُرَ بِصِلَتِهِمَا وَ حَقِّهِمَا عَلَى كُلِّ حَالٍ وَ إِنْ جاهَداكَ عَلى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي ما لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَقَالَ لَا بَلْ يَأْمُرُ بِصِلَتِهِمَا وَ إِنْ جَاهَدَاهُ عَلَى الشِّرْكِ مَا زَادَ حَقَّهُمَا إِلَّا عِظَماً

So, he (Abdul Wahid) said: ‘That is greater than Him^-azwj Commanding with goodness with them both and their rights upon every state and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge. So, he^-asws (the Imam) said: ‘No, but He^-azwj Commanded with being good to them both, and even if they were to contend upon the association (Shirk). It does not increase their rights except for greatness’.[18]

أَبُو عَلِيٍّ الْأَشْعَرِيُّ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سَالِمٍ عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ النَّضْرِ عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ شِمْرٍ عَنْ جَابِرٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ أَتَى رَجُلٌ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنِّي رَاغِبٌ فِي الْجِهَادِ نَشِيطٌ قَالَ فَقَالَ لَهُ النَّبِيُّ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَجَاهِدْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ فَإِنَّكَ إِنْ تُقْتَلْ تَكُنْ حَيّاً عِنْدَ اللَّهِ تُرْزَقْ وَ إِنْ تَمُتْ فَقَدْ وَقَعَ أَجْرُكَ عَلَى اللَّهِ وَ إِنْ رَجَعْتَ رَجَعْتَ مِنَ الذُّنُوبِ كَمَا وُلِدْتَ

Abu Ali Al Ashary, from Muhammad Bin Salim, from Ahmad Bin Al Nazar, from Amro Bin Shimr, from Jabir,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘A man came over to Rasool-Allah^‑saww and he said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! I am desirous regarding the Jihād actively’. So the Prophet^-saww said: ‘So perform Jihād in the Way of Allah^-azwj, and if you are killed, you would happen to be alive in the Presence of Allah^-azwj being Sustained, and if you were to die (beforehand), so your Recompense would occur upon Allah^-azwj, and if you were to return, you would return from the sins just as you were born’.

قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ لِي وَالِدَيْنِ كَبِيرَيْنِ يَزْعُمَانِ أَنَّهُمَا يَأْنَسَانِ بِي وَ يَكْرَهَانِ خُرُوجِي فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقِرَّ مَعَ وَالِدَيْكَ فَوَ الَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَأُنْسُهُمَا بِكَ يَوْماً وَ لَيْلَةً خَيْرٌ مِنْ جِهَادِ سَنَةٍ

He said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! For me there are parents who are aged, they claim that they are comforted by me and they dislike my going out’. So Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘So stay with your parents, for by the One^-azwj is Whose Hand is my^-saww soul, their being comforted by you for one day and night is better than a Jihād for a year’.[19]

Spending on Parents:

فَمِنْ ثَمَّ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) خَمْسُ تَمَرَاتٍ أَوْ خَمْسُ قُرَصٍ أَوْ دَنَانِيرُ أَوْ دَرَاهِمُ يَمْلِكُهَا الْإِنْسَانُ وَ هُوَ يُرِيدُ أَنْ يُمْضِيَهَا فَأَفْضَلُهَا مَا أَنْفَقَهُ الْإِنْسَانُ عَلَى وَالِدَيْهِ ثُمَّ الثَّانِيَةُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ وَ عِيَالِهِ ثُمَّ الثَّالِثَةُ عَلَى قَرَابَتِهِ الْفُقَرَاءِ ثُمَّ الرَّابِعَةُ عَلَى جِيرَانِهِ الْفُقَرَاءِ ثُمَّ الْخَامِسَةُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَ هُوَ أَخَسُّهَا أَجْر

Thus, Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘ (if you have) Five dates, or five discs (of bread), or five Dinars or Dirhams which the human being owns, and he wants to spend these, so the most superior of what the human being can spend upon are his parents. Then secondly upon himself and his family. Then thirdly upon his poor relatives. Then fourthly upon his poor neighbours. Then fifthly in the Way of Allah^-azwj, and it is of the lowest Recompense. (An extract).[20]

Taking care of parents in their old age

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ عَنْ سَيْفِ بْنِ عَمِيرَةَ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مُسْكَانَ عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ بْنِ شُعَيْبٍ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) إِنَّ أَبِي قَدْ كَبِرَ جِدّاً وَ ضَعُفَ فَنَحْنُ نَحْمِلُهُ إِذَا أَرَادَ الْحَاجَةَ فَقَالَ إِنِ اسْتَطَعْتَ أَنْ تَلِيَ ذَلِكَ مِنْهُ فَافْعَلْ وَ لَقِّمْهُ بِيَدِكَ فَإِنَّهُ جُنَّةٌ لَكَ غَداً .

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Isa, from Ali Bin Al Hakam, from Sayf Bin Ameyra, from Abdullah Bin Muskan, from Ibrahim Bin Shuayb who said,

‘I said to Abu Abdullah^-asws, ‘My father has aged a lot and weakened, so we carry him when he has the need’. So, he^-asws said: ‘If you have the capacity to follow that from him, then do so, and feed him morsels with your hand, for it would be a shield for you tomorrow (in the Hereafter)’.[21]

ابْنُ مَحْبُوبٍ عَنْ خَالِدِ بْنِ نَافِعٍ الْبَجَلِيِّ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مَرْوَانَ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ أَبَا عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) يَقُولُ إِنَّ رَجُلًا أَتَى النَّبِيَّ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَوْصِنِي فَقَالَ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ شَيْئاً وَ إِنْ حُرِّقْتَ بِالنَّارِ وَ عُذِّبْتَ إِلَّا وَ قَلْبُكَ مُطْمَئِنٌّ بِالْإِيمَانِ وَ وَالِدَيْكَ فَأَطِعْهُمَا وَ بَرَّهُمَا حَيَّيْنِ كَانَا أَوْ مَيِّتَيْنِ وَ إِنْ أَمَرَاكَ أَنْ تَخْرُجَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ وَ مَالِكَ فَافْعَلْ فَإِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنَ الْإِيمَانِ

Ibn Mahboub, from Khalid Bin Nafi’e Al Bajaly, from Muhammad Bin Marwan who said,

‘I heard Abu Abdullah^-asws saying: ‘A man came over to the Prophet^-as and he said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! Advise me’. So he^-saww said: ‘Do not associate anything with Allah^-azwj and even if you are burnt in the fire and punished, except your heart should be at rest with the Emān; and (as for your) parents, so feed them and be righteous with them be they alive or dead; and if they were to order you go out from your family and your wealth, do so, for that would be from the Emān ’.[22]

Be Righteous to Parent during as well as after their death:

الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مُسْلِمٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَكُونُ بَارّاً بِوَالِدَيْهِ فِي حَيَاتِهِمَا ثُمَّ يَمُوتَانِ فَلَا يَقْضِي عَنْهُمَا دُيُونَهُمَا وَ لَا يَسْتَغْفِرُ لَهُمَا فَيَكْتُبُهُ اللَّهُ عَاقّاً وَ إِنَّهُ لَيَكُونُ عَاقّاً لَهُمَا فِي حَيَاتِهِمَا غَيْرَ بَارٍّ بِهِمَا فَإِذَا مَاتَا قَضَى دَيْنَهُمَا وَ اسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمَا فَيَكْتُبُهُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ بَارّاً

Al Husayn Bin Muhammad, from Moalla Bin Muhammad, from Al Hassan Bin Ali, from Abdllah Bin Sinan, from Muhammad Bin Muslim,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Ja’far^-asws having said: ‘The servant may happened to have been righteous with his parents during their lifetime, they died, but he did not pay off their debts of their behalf, nor sought Forgiveness for them, so Allah^-azwj Writes him as a disloyal one; and he may have happened to have been disloyal during their lifetime, without being righteous with them, but when they died, so he paid off their debts and sought Forgiveness for them, so Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic Writes him as righteous’.[23]

Those who antagonise their parents will not reach near Paradise:

عَنْهُ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ فُرَاتٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فِي كَلَامٍ لَهُ إِيَّاكُمْ وَ عُقُوقَ الْوَالِدَيْنِ فَإِنَّ رِيحَ الْجَنَّةِ تُوجَدُ مِنْ مَسِيرَةِ أَلْفِ عَامٍ وَ لَا يَجِدُهَا عَاقٌّ وَ لَا قَاطِعُ رَحِمٍ وَ لَا شَيْخٌ زَانٍ وَ لَا جَارُّ إِزَارِهِ خُيَلَاءَ إِنَّمَا الْكِبْرِيَاءُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

From him, from Muhammad Bin Ali, from Muhammad Bin Furat,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Ja’far^-asws having said: ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww said in a speech of his^-saww: ‘Beware of ingratitude to the parents, for the aroma of the Paradise would be found from a travel distance of a thousand years, and it will not be found by the ungrateful one, nor by a severer of the relationships, nor an elderly adulterer, nor by a dragger of his trousers (pompous one). But rather, the Greatness is for Allah^-azwj, Lord^-azwj of the worlds’.^[24]

الخصال الْعِجْلِيُّ عَنِ ابْنِ زَكَرِيَّا عَنِ ابْنِ حَبِيبٍ عَنِ ابْنِ بُهْلُولٍ عَنْ‏ أَبِيهِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْفَضْلِ قَالَ قَالَ أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع‏ ثَلَاثَةٌ مَنْ عَازَّهُمْ‏ ذَلَّ الْوَالِدُ وَ السُّلْطَانُ وَ الْغَرِيمُ‏

(The book) ‘Al Khisaal’ – Al Ijaly, from Ibn Zakariya, from Ibn Habeeb, from Ibn Bahloul, from his father, from Abdullah Bin Al Fazl who said,

‘Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘Three (persons), one who opposes them will be disgraced – the father, and the just ruler, and the debtor’’.[25]

Disowned by the Parents:

الخصال ابْنُ الْوَلِيدِ عَنِ الصَّفَّارِ عَنِ ابْنِ مَعْرُوفٍ عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ هَمَّامٍ عَنِ ابْنِ غَزْوَانَ عَنِ السَّكُونِيِّ عَنِ الصَّادِقِ عَنْ آبَائِهِ ع أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ ص قَالَ: فَوْقَ كُلِّ بِرٍّ بِرٌّ حَتَّى يُقْتَلَ الرَّجُلُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ فَإِذَا قُتِلَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ فَلَيْسَ فَوْقَهُ بِرٌّ

(The book) ‘Al Khisaal’ – Ibn Al Waleed, from Al Saffar, from Ibn Marouf, from Ismail Bin Hammam, from Ibn Gazwan, from Al Sakuny,

‘From Al-Sadiq^-asws, from his^-asws forefathers^-asws: ‘The Prophet^-saww said: ‘Above every righteous act there is a righteous act to the extent of the man getting killed in the Way of Allah^-azwj. When he is killed in the Way of Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic, then there isn’t any righteous act above it.

وَ فَوْقَ كُلِّ عُقُوقٍ عُقُوقٌ حَتَّى يَقْتُلَ الرَّجُلُ أَحَدَ وَالِدَيْهِ فَإِذَا قَتَلَ أَحَدَهُمَا فَلَيْسَ فَوْقَهُ عُقُوقٌ‏

And above every act of disloyalty, there is an act of disloyalty (to be disowned by his parents), until the man kills one of his parents. When he kills one of them, then there isn’t any act of disloyalty above it’’.[26]

علل الشرائع عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع‏ قَالَ الذُّنُوبُ الَّتِي تُظْلِمُ الْهَوَاءَ عُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ‏

(The book) ‘Ilal Al Sharaie’ –

‘From Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘The sins which darken (grieved) the skies is being disowned by the parents’’.^[27]

الأمالي للشيخ الطوسي الْمُفِيدُ عَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ الزَّيَّاتِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ جَعْفَرٍ عَنْ مِسْعَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ شَرِيكٍ عَنْ أَبِي إِسْحَاقَ الْهَمْدَانِيِّ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ أَمِيرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ع قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ص‏ ثَلَاثَةٌ مِنَ الذُّنُوبِ تُعَجَّلُ عُقُوبَتُهَا وَ لَا تُؤَخَّرُ إِلَى الْآخِرَةِ عُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَ الْبَغْيُ عَلَى النَّاسِ وَ كُفْرُ الْإِحْسَانِ‏

(The book) ‘Al Amaali’ of the Sheykh Al Tusi – Al Mufeed, from Umar Bin Muhammad Al Zayyat, from Abdullah Bin Ja’far, from Mis’ar Bin Yahya, from Shareek, from Abu Is’haq Al Hamdany, from his father,

‘From Amir Al-Momineen^-asws having said: ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘Three (matters) are from the sins which hasten their punishments, not delayed to the Hereafter – disowned by the parents, and the rebelling against the people, and Kufr with the favour’’.[28]

علل الشرائع ابْنُ الْمُتَوَكِّلِ عَنِ السَّعْدَآبَادِيِّ عَنِ الْبَرْقِيِّ عَنْ عَبْدِ الْعَظِيمِ الْحَسَنِيِّ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ الثَّانِي عَنْ آبَائِهِ عَنِ الصَّادِقِ ع قَالَ: عُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ مِنَ الْكَبَائِرِ لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ جَعَلَ الْعَاقَّ عَصِيّاً شَقِيّاً

(The book) ‘Ilal Al Sharaie’ – Ibn Al Mutawakkil, from Al Sa’adabady, from Al Barqy, from Abdul Azeem Al Hasany,

‘From Abu Ja’far^-asws, from his^-asws forefathers^-asws, from Al-Sadiq^-asws having said: ‘Being disowned by the parents is from the major sins, because Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic has made the disowned ones as disobedient, wretched’’.[29]

عيون أخبار الرضا عليه السلام ع، علل الشرائع فِي عِلَلِ ابْنِ سِنَانٍ عَنِ الرِّضَا ع قَالَ: حَرَّمَ اللَّهُ عُقُوقَ الْوَالِدَيْنِ لِمَا فِيهِ مِنَ الْخُرُوجِ مِنَ التَّوْفِيقِ لِطَاعَةِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ التَّوْقِيرِ لِلْوَالِدَيْنِ وَ تَجَنُّبِ كُفْرِ النِّعْمَةِ وَ إِبْطَالِ الشُّكْرِ وَ مَا يَدْعُو مِنْ ذَلِكَ إِلَى قِلَّةِ النَّسْلِ وَ انْقِطَاعِهِ لِمَا فِي الْعُقُوقِ مِنْ قِلَّةِ تَوْقِيرِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَ الْعِرْفَانِ بِحَقِّهِمَا وَ قَطْعِ الْأَرْحَامِ وَ الزُّهْدِ مِنَ الْوَالِدَيْنِ فِي الْوَلَدِ وَ تَرْكِ التَّرْبِيَةِ بِعِلَّةِ تَرْكِ الْوَلَدِ بِرَّهُمَا

(The book) ‘Uyoun Akhbar Al-Reza^-asws’, may the greetings be upon him^-asws, (and), ‘Ilal Al Sharaie’ – Ibn Sinan,

From Al-Reza^-asws having said: ‘Allah^-azwj has Prohibited disloyalty to (to be disowned by) the parents due to what is in it of the exiting from the inclination to obedience of Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic, and giving the dignity to the parents, and shunning ungratefulness (Kufr) with the bounties, and invalidates the thanking, and what calls from that to lack of the lineage and its termination, due to what is in the disloyalty of lack of dignity to the parents and the recognition of their rights, and cutting off the kinship, and the abstention from the parents regarding the child, and neglecting the upbringing due to neglecting by the child of being righteous with them’’.[30]

وَ بِهَذَا الْإِسْنَادِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ص‏ ثَلَاثَةٌ لَا يَنْظُرُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى إِلَيْهِمْ الْمَنَّانُ بِالْفِعْلِ وَ الْعَاقُّ وَالِدَيْهِ وَ مُدْمِنُ خَمْرٍ

And by this chain,

‘He^-asws said: ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘Three (persons), Allah^-azwj not Look (have mercy) at them – the one who shows off his deed, and the disowned by his parents, and a habitual of wine’’.[31]

الكافي عَنِ الْأَشْعَرِيِّ عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ الْكُوفِيِّ عَنْ عُبَيْسِ بْنِ هِشَامٍ عَنْ صَالِحٍ الْحَذَّاءِ عَنْ يَعْقُوبَ بْنِ شُعَيْبٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: إِذَا كَانَ يَوْمُ الْقِيَامَةِ كُشِفَ غِطَاءٌ مِنْ أَغْطِيَةِ الْجَنَّةِ فَوَجَدَ رِيحَهَا مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ رُوحٌ مِنْ مَسِيرَةِ خَمْسِمِائَةِ عَامٍ إِلَّا صِنْفاً وَاحِداً

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From Al Ashari, from Al-Hassan Bin Ali Al Kufi, from Ubeys Bin Hisham, from Salih Al Haza’a, from Yaqoub Bin Shueyb,

‘From Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘When it will be the Day of Qiyamah, a layer from the layers of Paradise will be uncovered, the one who has a soul for him will find its aroma from a travel distance of five hundred years, except for one type (of people)’.

قُلْتُ مَنْ هُمْ قَالَ الْعَاقُّ لِوَالِدَيْهِ

I said, ‘Who are they?’ He^-asws said: ‘The one disowned by his parents’’.[32]

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهُ )ص): يُقَالُ لِلْعَاقِّ إِعْمَلْ مَا شِئْتَ فَإِنِّي لاَ أَغْفِرُ لَكَ وَ يُقَالُ لِلْبَارِّ إِعْمَلْ مَا شِئْتَ فَإِنِّي سَأَغْفِرُ لَكَ

The Messenger of Allah^-saww has said: “One who has been disowned by his parents is told: ‘Act as you please, for I^-azwj shall not forgive you.’ Whereas one who is good towards his parents is told, ‘Act as you please. I^-azwj will be forgiving towards you.’[33]”

How one is Disowned?

وَ قَالَ ص‏ مَنْ أَحْزَنَ وَالِدَيْهِ فَقَدْ عَقَّهُمَا

And he^-saww said: ‘One who aggrieves his parents, so (by doing so) he is disowned by them’’.[34]

Rights of one’s mother:

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ أُمِّكَ فَأَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّهَا حَمَلَتْكَ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَمِلُ أَحَدٌ أَحَداً وَ أَعْطَتْكَ مِنْ ثَمَرَةِ قَلْبِهَا مَا لَا يُعْطِي أَحَدٌ أَحَداً وَ وَقَتْكَ بِجَمِيعِ جَوَارِحِهَا وَ لَمْ تُبَالِ أَنْ تَجُوعَ وَ تُطْعِمَكَ وَ تَعْطَشَ وَ تَسْقِيَكَ وَ تَعْرَى وَ تَكْسُوَكَ وَ تَضْحَى وَ تُظِلَّكَ وَ تَهْجُرَ النَّوْمَ لِأَجْلِكَ وَ وَقَتْكَ الْحَرَّ وَ الْبَرْدَ لِتَكُونَ لَهَا فَإِنَّكَ لَا تُطِيقُ شُكْرَهَا إِلَّا بِعَوْنِ اللَّهِ وَ تَوْفِيقِهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for a right of your mother, you should know that she had born you whereby no one bears anyone, and gave you from the fruit of her heart what no one give anyone, and strengthened you with entirety of her limbs, and she did not care if she were hungry and she fed you, and she were thirsty and quenched you, and she was need of clothes and she clothed you, and made sacrifices, and shaded you, and forsake the sleep for your sake, and saved you from the heat and the cold for you to be for her, for you will not be able to thank her except by the Assistance of Allah^-azwj and His^-azwj Inclination (an extract).[35]

In another Hadith,

الكافي عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ الْمُعَلَّى وَ عَلِيِّ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ صَالِحِ بْنِ أَبِي حَمَّادٍ جَمِيعاً عَنِ الْوَشَّاءِ عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ عَائِذٍ عَنْ أَبِي خَدِيجَةَ عَنْ مُعَلَّى بْنِ خُنَيْسٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: جَاءَ رَجُلٌ وَ سَأَلَ النَّبِيَّ ص عَنْ بِرِّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ فَقَالَ ابْرَرْ أُمَّكَ ابْرَرْ أُمَّكَ ابْرَرْ أُمَّكَ ابْرَرْ أَبَاكَ ابْرَرْ أَبَاكَ ابْرَرْ أَبَاكَ وَ بَدَأَ بِالْأُمِّ قَبْلَ الْأَبِ‏

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From Al Husayn Bin Muhammad, from Al Moalla and Ali Bin Muhammad, from Salih Bin Abu Hammad, altogether, from Al Washa, from Ahmad Bin A’aiz, from Abu Khadeeja, from Moalla Bin Khuneys,

‘From Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘A man came and asked the Prophet^-saww about kindness with the parents. He^-saww said: ‘Be kind with your mother, be kind with your mother, be kind with your mother, be kind with your father, be kind with your father, be kind with your father, and begin with the mother before the father’’.[36]

الأمالي للصدوق مَاجِيلَوَيْهِ عَنْ مُحَمَّدٍ الْعَطَّارِ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبَانٍ عَنِ ابْنِ أُورَمَةَ عَنْ‏ عَمْرِو بْنِ عُثْمَانَ عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ شِمْرٍ عَنْ جَابِرٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ع قَالَ: قَالَ مُوسَى بْنُ عِمْرَانَ ع يَا رَبِّ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ أُوصِيكَ بِي

(The book) ‘Al Amaali’ of Al Sadouq – Majaylawiya, from Muhammad Al Attar, from Ibn Aban, from Ibn Awrama, from Amro Bin Usman, from Amro Bin Shimr, from Jabir,

‘From Abu Ja’far (as.) having said: ‘Musa^-as Bin Imran^-as said: ‘O Lord^-azwj, Advise me^-as!’ He^-azwj Said: “I^-azwj Advise you^-as with Me^-azwj!”

فَقَالَ يَا رَبِّ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ أُوصِيكَ بِي ثَلَاثاً

He^-as said: ‘O Lord^-azwj, Advise me^-as!’ He^-azwj Said: “I^-azwj Advise you^-as with Me^-azwj!” – three times.

فَقَالَ يَا رَبِّ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ أُوصِيكَ بِأُمِّكَ

He^-as said: ‘O Lord^-azwj, Advise me^-as!’ He^-azwj Said: “I^-azwj Advise you with your^-as mother^-as!”

قَالَ يَا رَبِّ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ أُوصِيكَ بِأُمِّكَ

He^-as said: ‘O Lord^-azwj, Advise me^-as!’ He^-azwj Said: “I^-azwj Advise you with your^-as mother^-as!”

قَالَ أَوْصِنِي قَالَ أُوصِيكَ بِأَبِيكَ

He^-as said: ‘Advise me^-as!’ He^-azwj Said: “I^-azwj Advise you with your^-as father^-as!”

قَالَ فَكَانَ يُقَالُ لِأَجْلِ ذَلِكَ إِنَّ لِلْأُمِّ ثلثا [ثُلُثَيِ‏] الْبِرِّ وَ لِلْأَبِ الثُّلُثَ‏

He^-asws said: ‘So it has been said due to that reason, for their mother there is two-thirds righteousness, and for the father there is a third’’.[37]

Rights of one’s Father:

فقه الرضا عليه السلام رُوِيَ‏ لَا تَقْطَعْ أَوِدَّاءَ أَبِيكَ فَيُطْفَى نُورُكَ

From (the book) ‘Fiqh Al-Reza^-asws’, it is reported: ‘Do not cut of cordialities of your father for your Noor will be extinguished’ (an extract).[38]

الكافي عَنْ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ النَّوْفَلِيِّ عَنِ السَّكُونِيِّ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: مِنَ السُّنَّةِ وَ الْبِرِّ أَنْ يُكَنَّى الرَّجُلُ بِاسْمِ أَبِيهِ‏

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From Ali, from his father, from Al Nowfaly, from Al Sakuny,

‘From Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘From the Sunnah and the righteousness is that a man should teknonym his father (not call him by his name)’’.[39]

الكافي عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ بَزِيعٍ عَنْ حَنَانِ بْنِ سَدِيرٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ: قُلْتُ لِأَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ع هَلْ يَجْزِي الْوَلَدُ وَالِدَهُ

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Bazie, from Hanan Bin Sadeyr, from his father who said,

‘I said to Abu Ja’far^-asws, ‘Can the son reward (pay back favours of) his father?’

فَقَالَ لَيْسَ لَهُ جَزَاءٌ إِلَّا فِي خَصْلَتَيْنِ يَكُونُ الْوَالِدُ مَمْلُوكاً فَيَشْتَرِيهِ ابْنُهُ فَيُعْتِقُهُ أَوْ يَكُونُ عَلَيْهِ دَيْنٌ‏ فَيَقْضِيهِ عَنْهُ‏

He^-asws said: ‘There is no reward for him except in two characteristics. The father might happen to be a slave, so his son buys him and liberates him, or there might happen to be debts upon him, so he would pay it off on his behalf’’.[40]

الكافي عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ يُونُسَ عَنْ دُرُسْتَ عَنْ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ مُوسَى ع قَالَ: سَأَلَ رَجُلٌ رَسُولَ اللَّه ص مَا حَقُّ الْوَالِدِ عَلَى وَلَدِهِ

(The book) ‘Al Kafi’ – From Ali Bin Ibrahim, from Muhammad Bin Isa, from Yunus, from Dorost,

‘From Abu Al-Hassan Musa^-asws having said: ‘A man asked Rasool-Allah^-saww, ‘What is a right of the father upon his son?’

قَالَ لَا يُسَمِّيهِ بِاسْمِهِ وَ لَا يَمْشِي بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ وَ لَا يَجْلِسُ قَبْلَهُ وَ لَا يَسْتَسِبُّ لَهُ‏

He^-asws said: ‘He (son) should neither name him with his name, nor walk in front of him, nor sit before he does, nor let him be insulted’’.[41]

In another Hadith,

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى بْنِ عُبَيْدٍ عَنْ يُونُسَ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ عَنْ دُرُسْتَ بْنِ أَبِي مَنْصُورٍ عَنْ أَبِي الْحَسَنِ مُوسَى ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ سَأَلَ رَجُلٌ رَسُولَ اللَّه ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) مَا حَقُّ الْوَالِدِ عَلَى وَلَدِهِ قَالَ لَا يُسَمِّيهِ بِاسْمِهِ وَ لَا يَمْشِي بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ وَ لَا يَجْلِسُ قَبْلَهُ وَ لَا يَسْتَسِبُّ لَهُ

Ali Bin Ibrahim, from Muhammad Bin Isa Bin Ubeyd, from Yunus Bin Abdul Rahman, from Dorost Bin Abu Mansour,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Al-Hassan Musa^-as having said: ‘A man asked Rasool-Allah^-saww, ‘What is the right of the father upon his son?’ He^-asws said: ‘Not calling him by his name, and not walking in front of his, and not sitting before him, and not let him be insulted (by anyone)’.[42]

It is in a Hadith, father is the origin of his children and they would not have existed;

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ أَبِيكَ فَأَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّهُ أَصْلُكَ وَ أَنَّهُ لَوْلَاهُ لَمْ تَكُنْ فَمَهْمَا رَأَيْتَ فِي نَفْسِكَ مِمَّا يُعْجِبُكَ فَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ أَبَاكَ أَصْلُ النِّعْمَةِ عَلَيْكَ فِيهِ فَاحْمَدِ اللَّهَ وَ اشْكُرْهُ عَلَى قَدْرِ ذَلِكَ وَ لَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for the right of your father, you should know that he is your origin, and had it not been for him, you would not exist. Whatever you see to be within yourself from a bounty which fascinates you, know that your father is the origin of the bounty upon you regarding it. Therefore, praise Allah^-azwj and then Him^-azwj upon a measurement of that, and there is no strength except with Allah^-azwj (an extract).[43]

Etiquettes of Disputing with one’s father:

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيِّ بْنِ فَضَّالٍ عَنِ ابْنِ بُكَيْرٍ عَنِ الْحَكَمِ بْنِ أَبِي عَقِيلَةَ قَالَ تَصَدَّقَ أَبِي عَلَيَّ بِدَارٍ وَ قَبَضْتُهَا ثُمَّ وُلِدَ لَهُ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ أَوْلَادٌ فَأَرَادَ أَنْ يَأْخُذَهَا مِنِّي وَ يَتَصَدَّقَ بِهَا عَلَيْهِمْ فَسَأَلْتُ أَبَا عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) عَنْ ذَلِكَ وَ أَخْبَرْتُهُ بِالْقِصَّةِ فَقَالَ لَا تُعْطِهَا إِيَّاهُ قُلْتُ فَإِنَّهُ إِذاً يُخَاصِمُنِي قَالَ فَخَاصِمْهُ وَ لَا تَرْفَعْ صَوْتَكَ عَلَى صَوْتِهِ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad, from Al Hassan Bin Ali Bin Fazal, from Ibn Bakeyr, from Al Hakam Bin Abu Aqeela who said,

‘My father gave me a house in charity and I took possession of it. Then after that, children were born unto him, so he wanted to take it back from me, and give in charity with it to them (instead). So I asked Abu Abdullah^-asws about that and informed him^-asws with the story. So, he^‑asws said: ‘Do not give it to him’. I said, ‘Then he would dispute with me’. He^-asws said: ‘So dispute with him, but do not raise your voice above his’.^[44]

Supplication of a father against his child:

وَ بِهَذَا الْإِسْنَادِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ص‏ إِيَّاكُمْ وَ دَعْوَةَ الْوَالِدِ فَإِنَّهَا تُرْفَعُ‏ فَوْقَ السَّحَابِ حَتَّى يَنْظُرَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى إِلَيْهَا فَيَقُولَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى ارْفَعُوهَا إِلَيَّ حَتَّى أَسْتَجِيبَ لَهُ فَإِيَّاكُمْ وَ دَعْوَةَ الْوَالِدِ فَإِنَّهَا أَحَدُّ مِنَ السَّيْفِ

And by this chain,

‘He^-asws said: ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘Beware of the supplication of a father (against you)for it rises above the clouds until Allah^-azwj the Exalted Looks at it, so Allah^-azwj the Exalted Says: “Raise it to Me^‑azwj until I^-azwj Answer it for him!” Therefore, beware of the supplication of a father (against you), for it is sharper than the sword’’.[45]

كَنْزُ الْكَرَاجُكِيِّ، بِإِسْنَادٍ مَذْكُورٍ فِي الْمَنَاهِي عَنْ يُونُسَ بْنِ يَعْقُوبَ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ: مَلْعُونٌ مَلْعُونٌ مَنْ ضَرَبَ وَالِدَهُ أَوْ وَالِدَتَهُ مَلْعُونٌ مَلْعُونٌ مَنْ عَقَّ وَالِدَيْهِ مَلْعُونٌ مَلْعُونٌ قَاطِعُ رَحِمٍ

(The book) ‘Kanz’ of Al Karajaky – By a chain mentioned in (the book) ‘Al Manahy’ – from Yusuf Bin Yaqoub,

‘From Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘Accursed! Accursed is the one hitting his father or his mother. Accursed! Accursed is the one disowned by his parents. Accursed! Accursed is the one cutting off a kinship’’.[46]

علل الشرائع أَبِي عَنْ سَعْدٍ عَنِ ابْنِ هَاشِمٍ عَنِ ابْنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ عَنِ السَّكُونِيِّ عَنِ الصَّادِقِ عَنْ أَبِيهِ ع قَالَ: لَا تَقْطَعْ أَوِدَّاءَ أَبِيكَ فَيُطْفَأَ نُورُكَ‏

(The book) ‘Ilal Al Sharaie’ – My father, from Sa’ad, from Ibn Hashim, from Ibn Al Mugheira, from Al Sakuny,

‘From Al-Sadiq^-asws, from his^-asws father^-asws having said: ‘Do not cut off respecting your father for your Noor (radiance) will be extinguished’’.[47] Also a similar Hadith is reported in (The book) ‘Fiqh Al-Reza^-asws’.[48]

Father is owner of the child’s property:

It is observed that when a father tries to discipline a child, (for example, by taking away a phone very late at night, the son shrieks at his father, i.e. ‘you cannot take it away from me, it’s my property’!) This is not only un-Islamic but also incorrect (as father is the owner of his son’s belonging), e.g.,

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ أَبِي الْعَلَاءِ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) مَا يَحِلُّ لِلرَّجُلِ مِنْ مَالِ وَلَدِهِ قَالَ قُوتُهُ بِغَيْرِ سَرَفٍ إِذَا اضْطُرَّ إِلَيْهِ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Abdullah Bin Muhammad, from Ali Bin Al Hakam, from Al Husayn Bin Abu Al A’ala who said,

‘I said to Abu Abdullah^-asws, ‘What is Permissible for the man from the wealth of his son?’ He^‑asws said: ‘Subsistence without extravagance when he is desperate to it’.

قَالَ فَقُلْتُ لَهُ فَقَوْلُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) لِلرَّجُلِ الَّذِي أَتَاهُ فَقَدَّمَ أَبَاهُ فَقَالَ لَهُ أَنْتَ وَ مَالُكَ لِأَبِيكَ فَقَالَ إِنَّمَا جَاءَ بِأَبِيهِ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ هَذَا أَبِي وَ قَدْ ظَلَمَنِي مِيرَاثِي مِنْ أُمِّي فَأَخْبَرَهُ الْأَبُ أَنَّهُ قَدْ أَنْفَقَهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ فَقَالَ أَنْتَ وَ مَالُكَ لِأَبِيكَ وَ لَمْ يَكُنْ عِنْدَ الرَّجُلِ شَيْ‏ءٌ أَ فَكَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) يَحْبِسُ الْأَبَ لِلِابْنِ

He (the narrator) said, ‘So I said to him^-asws, ‘So (what about) the words of Rasool-Allah^-saww to the man who came over to him^-saww and presented his father, so he^-saww said to him: ‘You and your wealth are for your father’. So he^-asws said: ‘But rather he came with his father to the Prophet^-saww, so he said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! This is my father who has been unjust to me in my inheritance from my mother. So the father informed him^-asws and he had spend upon him and upon himself. So he^-saww said: ‘You and your wealth are for your father’, and there did not happen to be anything with the man; would Rasool-Allah^-saww have withheld the father for the (sake of his) son?’[49]

Rights of a Husband:

عَنْهُ عَنِ الْجَامُورَانِيِّ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ عَنْ أَبِي الْمَغْرَاءِ عَنْ أَبِي بَصِيرٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ أَتَتِ امْرَأَةٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقَالَتْ مَا حَقُّ الزَّوْجِ عَلَى الْمَرْأَةِ فَقَالَ أَنْ تُجِيبَهُ إِلَى حَاجَتِهِ وَ إِنْ كَانَتْ عَلَى قَتَبٍ وَ لَا تُعْطِيَ شَيْئاً إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ فَإِنْ فَعَلَتْ فَعَلَيْهَا الْوِزْرُ وَ لَهُ الْأَجْرُ وَ لَا تَبِيتَ لَيْلَةً وَ هُوَ عَلَيْهَا سَاخِطٌ قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَ إِنْ كَانَ ظَالِماً قَالَ نَعَمْ قَالَتْ وَ الَّذِي بَعَثَكَ بِالْحَقِّ لَا تَزَوَّجْتُ زَوْجاً أَبَداً

From him, from Al Jamourany, from Ibn Abu Hamza, from Abu Al Magra, from Abu Baseer, from,

Abu Abdullah^-asws (6^th Imam) has said: ‘A woman came over to Rasool-Allah^-saww, so she said, ‘What are the rights of the husband upon the wife?’ So he^-saww said: ‘Answer to his needs, and even though it may be upon a hump (of a camel), and not to give anything (to anyone) except with his permission, so if she were to do it, the burden of it would be upon her and the Recompense for him, and that she would not spend a night and he is angry upon her’. She said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! And even if he was unjust?’. He^-saww said: ‘Yes’.

She said, ‘By the One Who Sent you^-saww with the Truth, I will never marry a husband ever!’[50]

أَبُو عَلِيٍّ الْأَشْعَرِيُّ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الْجَبَّارِ عَنْ صَفْوَانَ عَنْ إِسْحَاقَ بْنِ عَمَّارٍ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي الْحَسَنِ ( عليه السلام ) وَ سَأَلْتُهُ عَنِ الْمَرْأَةِ الْمُوسِرَةِ قَدْ حَجَّتْ حَجَّةَ الْإِسْلَامِ فَتَقُولُ لِزَوْجِهَا أَحِجَّنِي مِنْ مَالِي أَ لَهُ أَنْ يَمْنَعَهَا قَالَ نَعَمْ يَقُولُ حَقِّي عَلَيْكِ أَعْظَمُ مِنْ حَقِّكِ عَلَيَّ فِي هَذَا

Abu Ali Al Ashary, from Muhammad Bin Abdul Jabbar, from Safwan, from Is’haq Bin Ammar who said,

‘I said to Abu Al-Hassan^-asws, and asked him^-asws about the affluent woman who had performed Hajj, a Hajj of Al-Islam, so she is saying to her husband, ‘Take me to Hajj from my own wealth’. Is it for him that he forbids her?’ He^-asws said: ‘Yes. He should be saying, ‘My right upon you is greater than your right upon me, with regards to this’.[51]

Jihad of a wife is to bear the harshness of her husband

عَلِيُّ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ أَبِي الْجَوْزَاءِ عَنِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ عُلْوَانَ عَنْ سَعْدِ بْنِ طَرِيفٍ عَنِ الْأَصْبَغِ بْنِ نُبَاتَةَ قَالَ قَالَ أَمِيرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ع كَتَبَ اللَّهُ الْجِهَادَ عَلَى الرِّجَالِ وَ النِّسَاءِ فَجِهَادُ الرَّجُلِ بَذْلُ مَالِهِ وَ نَفْسِهِ حَتَّى يُقْتَلَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَ جِهَادُ الْمَرْأَةِ أَنْ تَصْبِرَ عَلَى مَا تَرَى مِنْ أَذَى زَوْجِهَا وَ غَيْرَتِهِ وَ فِي حَدِيثٍ آخَرَ جِهَادُ الْمَرْأَةِ حُسْنُ التَّبَعُّلِ

Ali ibn Ibrahim has narrated from his father, who from abu al-Jawza’ who from al-Hussain ibn ‘Ulwan, who from Sa’d ibn Tarif, who from al-Asbagh ibn Nubatah who has said the following:

“Amir-ul-Momineen^-asws has said, ‘Allah^-azwj has Made Jihad obligatory upon men and women. Jihad of a man is making his wealth and soul available until he is killed in the way of Allah^-azwj. Jihad of a woman is exercising patience when facing hardships caused by her husband and because of his showing strong’ al-Ghirah’ (protective feelings) for her. In another Hadith, it is said that Jihad of a woman is to maintain good marital relationship.’[52]

وَ رَوَى مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْفُضَيْلِ عَنْ شُرَيْسٍ الْوَابِشِيِّ عَنْ جَابِرٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ ع قَالَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ كَتَبَ عَلَى الرِّجَالِ الْجِهَادَ وَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ الْجِهَادَ فَجِهَادُ الرَّجُلِ أَنْ يَبْذُلَ مَالَهُ وَ دَمَهُ حَتَّى يُقْتَلَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ جِهَادُ الْمَرْأَةِ أَنْ تَصْبِرَ عَلَى مَا تَرَى مِنْ أَذَى زَوْجِهَا وَ غَيْرَتِهِ

Mohammed ibn Fazil, from Sharais Wabashi, from Jabir, who has narrated the following:

Abi Jafar^-asws said: Indeed, Allah^-azwj has made Jihad obligatory both for men and women. The Jihad of the man is to contribute through his wealth and offer his life in the way of Allah, until he is martyred.  However, Jihad of a woman is to bear her husband’s bad temper as well as his harsh attitude (which is reflected from his being protective) of his honour.[53]

وَ فِي رِوَايَةِ الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ عُلْوَانَ عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ خَالِدٍ عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ آبَائِهِ ع عَنْ عَلِيٍّ ع قَالَ ذَكَرَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ص الْجِهَادَ فَقَالَتِ امْرَأَةٌ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ ص يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَمَا لِلنِّسَاءِ مِنْ هَذَا شَيْ‏ءٌ فَقَالَ بَلَى لِلْمَرْأَةِ مَا بَيْنَ حَمْلِهَا إِلَى وَضْعِهَا إِلَى فِطَامِهَا مِنَ الْأَجْرِ كَالْمُرَابِطِ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ هَلَكَتْ فِيمَا بَيْنَ ذَلِكَ كَانَ لَهَا مِثْلُ مَنْزِلَةِ الشَّهِيدِ

And Hussain ibn Aliwan narrates from ummro ibn Khalid, who from Zaid ibn Ali, who from his ancestors, who have said the following:

Ali^-asws has said that once Prophet Mohammed^-saww talked about Jihad and a lady asked if there is any role of a woman in Jihad?  Prophet^-saww said:  The reward of a lady from the time when she conceives, until the time of her pregnancy, giving birth and until the she stops feeding the baby is similar to the one who has gone out to do Jihad for Allah^-azwj.  If she dies during this, she would receive the reward of a martyr.[54]

Rights of a Wife upon her Husband:

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ الزَّوْجَةِ فَأَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ جَعَلَهَا لَكَ سَكَناً وَ أُنْساً فَتَعْلَمَ أَنَّ ذَلِكَ نِعْمَةٌ مِنَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكَ فَتُكْرِمَهَا وَ تَرْفُقَ بِهَا وَ إِنْ كَانَ حَقُّكَ عَلَيْهَا أَوْجَبَ فَإِنَّ لَهَا عَلَيْكَ أَنْ تَرْحَمَهَا لِأَنَّهَا أَسِيرُكَ وَ تُطْعِمَهَا وَ تَكْسُوَهَا وَ إِذَا جَهِلَتْ عَفَوْتَ عَنْهَا

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for a right of the wife, you should know that Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic has Made her to be for you as a tranquillity and a comfort. You should know that is a bounty from Allah^‑azwj to you, therefore you should honour her and be kind with her, and even though your right upon her is more obligating. Surely for her, upon you, is that you should be merciful to her because she is your captive, and you should feed her and clothe her, and when she is ignorance, you should pardon her (an extract).[55]

In another Hadith,

أَبُو عَلِيٍّ الْأَشْعَرِيُّ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الْجَبَّارِ عَنْ صَفْوَانَ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ إِسْحَاقَ بْنِ عَمَّارٍ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) مَا حَقُّ الْمَرْأَةِ عَلَى زَوْجِهَا الَّذِي إِذَا فَعَلَهُ كَانَ مُحْسِناً قَالَ يُشْبِعُهَا وَ يَكْسُوهَا وَ إِنْ جَهِلَتْ غَفَرَ لَهَا وَ قَالَ أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) كَانَتِ امْرَأَةٌ عِنْدَ أَبِي ( عليه السلام ) تُؤْذِيهِ فَيَغْفِرُ لَهَا

Abu Ali Al-Ashary, from Muhammad Bin Abdul Jabbar, from Safwan Bin Yahya, from Is’haq Bin Ammar who said,

‘I said to Abu Abdullah^-asws, ‘What are the rights of the women upon her husband which when he fulfils it, he would be a good (husband)?’ He^-asws said: ‘He has to satiate her (hunger), and clothe her, and if she is ignorant, forgive her’. And Abu Abdullah^-asws said: ‘There was a wife with my^-asws father^-asws who used to hurt him^-asws, so he would forgive her’.^[56]

The Recommended Spending on Wife:

عَنْهُ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَمَّنْ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ شِهَابِ بْنِ عَبْدِ رَبِّهِ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) مَا حَقُّ الْمَرْأَةِ عَلَى زَوْجِهَا قَالَ يَسُدُّ جَوْعَتَهَا وَ يَسْتُرُ عَوْرَتَهَا وَ لَا يُقَبِّحُ لَهَا وَجْهاً فَإِذَا فَعَلَ ذَلِكَ فَقَدْ وَ اللَّهِ أَدَّى حَقَّهَا قُلْتُ فَالدُّهْنُ قَالَ غِبّاً يَوْمٌ وَ يَوْمٌ لَا قُلْتُ فَاللَّحْمُ قَالَ فِي كُلِّ ثَلَاثَةٍ فَيَكُونُ فِي الشَّهْرِ عَشْرَ مَرَّاتٍ لَا أَكْثَرَ مِنْ ذَلِكَ

From him, from Muhammad Bin Isa, from the one who narrated it, from Shihaab Bin Abd Rabbihi who said,

‘I said to Abu Abdullah^-asws, ‘What are the rights of the woman upon her husband?’ He^-asws said: ‘Eliminate her hunger, and veil her nakedness, and not to spoil her face. So, when he does that, by Allah^-azwj, he has fulfilled her rights’. I said, ‘So (what about) the oil (for the hair & body)?’ He^-asws said: ‘Intermittently day and not a day’. I said, ‘So (what about) the meat?’ He^-asws said: ‘During every three (days), so it would come to be ten times in the month, no more than that’.

قُلْتُ فَالصِّبْغُ قَالَ وَ الصِّبْغُ فِي كُلِّ سِتَّةِ أَشْهُرٍ وَ يَكْسُوهَا فِي كُلِّ سَنَةٍ أَرْبَعَةَ أَثْوَابٍ ثَوْبَيْنِ لِلشِّتَاءِ وَ ثَوْبَيْنِ لِلصَّيْفِ وَ لَا يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُفْقِرَ بَيْتَهُ مِنْ ثَلَاثَةِ أَشْيَاءَ دُهْنِ الرَّأْسِ وَ الْخَلِّ وَ الزَّيْتِ وَ يَقُوتُهُنَّ بِالْمُدِّ فَإِنِّي أَقُوتُ بِهِ نَفْسِي وَ عِيَالِي وَ لْيُقَدِّرْ لِكُلِّ إِنْسَانٍ مِنْهُمْ قُوتَهُ فَإِنْ شَاءَ أَكَلَهُ وَ إِنْ شَاءَ وَهَبَهُ وَ إِنْ شَاءَ تَصَدَّقَ بِهِ وَ لَا تَكُونُ فَاكِهَةٌ عَامَّةٌ إِلَّا أَطْعَمَ عِيَالَهُ مِنْهَا وَ لَا يَدَعْ أَنْ يَكُونَ لِلْعِيدِ عِنْدَهُمْ فَضْلٌ فِي الطَّعَامِ أَنْ يُسَنِّيَ مِنْ ذَلِكَ شَيْئاً لَا يُسَنِّي لَهُمْ فِي سَائِرِ الْأَيَّامِ

I said, ‘So (what about) the dye?’ He^-asws said: ‘And the dyeing is during every six months, and clothe her during every year with four clothes, two clothes for the winter and two clothes for the summer, and it is no befitting if one impoverishes his house from three things – the hair oil, and the vinegar, and the oil, and provide her with a handful (of food), for I^-asws provide myself with it, and my^-asws family; and let each human being from them measure his own food intake, so if he so desires it he eats it, and if he so desires it, he gifts it, and if he so desires it, he gives in charity with it; and there should not happen to be any fruits during the year except that he feeds his family from these, and he should not leave it if there happens to be the Eid (festival) with them, the extra in the meal, that he should make for them something which he does not make for them in the rest of the days’.^[57]

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ ابْنِ مَحْبُوبٍ عَنِ الْعَلَاءِ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مُسْلِمٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) أَوْصَانِي جَبْرَئِيلُ ( عليه السلام ) بِالْمَرْأَةِ حَتَّى ظَنَنْتُ أَنَّهُ لَا يَنْبَغِي طَلَاقُهَا إِلَّا مِنْ فَاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad, from Ibn Mahboub, from Al A’ala, from Muhammad Bin Muslim, from,

Abu Abdullah^-asws narrates that Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘Jibraeel^-as advised me^-saww with the women until I^-saww thought that it is not befitting to divorce her except due to manifest immorality’.^[58]

سأل صفوان بن يحيى أبا الحسن الرضا عليه السلام ” عن الرجل تكون عنده المرأة الشابة فيمسك عنها الاشهر والسنة لا يقربها ليس يريد الاضرار بها، يكون لهم مصيبة، يكون في ذلك آثما؟ قال: إذا تركها أربعة أشهر كان آثما بعد ذلك [ إلا أن يكون باذنها ]

Sufan bin Yahiya asked Imam Raza^-asws regarding a person who has a young wife but he does not contact her and sleeps with her and it seems he has no other intentions but to harm her and create troubles for others.  Is he a sinner? Imam^-asws replied, if he had left her more than four months then he is, unless if they have mutual agreement.^[59]

وسأل إسحاق بن عمار أبا عبد الله عليه السلام ” عن حق المرأة على زوجها قال: يشبع بطنها، ويكسو جثتها، وإن جهلت غفر لها “

Ishaq bin Razeen -asked Imam Jafar-e-Sadiq^-asws, What are the rights of a wife over her husband?  Imam^-asws replied, he should provide her enough sustenance and clothes and forgive her if she commits something inappropriate out of ignorance.^[60]

وروى عبد الله بن سنان عن أبي عبد الله عليه السلام قال: ” ألهموهن حب علي عليه السلام وذروهن بلهاء “

Abdullah bin Sanan narrates from Imam Al-Sadiq^-asws that Imam^-asws said you should only implant love of Mola Ali^-asws in your women and leave them at that (without much coaching).^[61]

A wife showing ‘الْغَيْرَةُ’ and challenging her husband

Sometimes, a wife may find something from her husband ‘offensive’ so she expresses discontent, e.g.,

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْحَسَنِ عَنْ يُوسُفَ بْنِ حَمَّادٍ عَمَّنْ ذَكَرَهُ عَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ قَالَ أَبُو جَعْفَرٍ ( عليه السلام ) غَيْرَةُ النِّسَاءِ الْحَسَدُ وَ الْحَسَدُ هُوَ أَصْلُ الْكُفْرِ إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ إِذَا غِرْنَ غَضِبْنَ وَ إِذَا غَضِبْنَ كَفَرْنَ إِلَّا الْمُسْلِمَاتُ مِنْهُنَّ

A number of our companions, from Ahmad Bin Abu Abdullah, from Muhammad Bin Al Hassan, from Yusuf Bin Hammad, from the one who mentioned it, from Jabir who said,

‘Abu Ja’far^-asws said: ‘The ‘الْغَيْرَةُ’ (sense of honour) of the women is the envy, and the evil is the root of the disbelief. The women, when they express الْغَيْرَةُ, they get angry, and when they are angry, they commit disbelief, except for the submissive ones from them’.[62]

Rights of Children:

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ وَلَدِكَ فَأَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّهُ مِنْكَ وَ مُضَافٌ إِلَيْكَ فِي عَاجِلِ الدُّنْيَا بِخَيْرِهِ وَ شَرِّهِ وَ أَنَّكَ مَسْئُولٌ عَمَّا وُلِّيتَهُ بِهِ مِنْ حُسْنِ الْأَدَبِ وَ الدَّلَالَةِ عَلَى رَبِّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ الْمَعُونَةِ لَهُ عَلَى طَاعَتِهِ فَاعْمَلْ فِي أَمْرِهِ عَمَلَ مَنْ يَعْلَمُ أَنَّهُ مُثَابٌ عَلَى الْإِحْسَانِ إِلَيْهِ مُعَاقَبٌ عَلَى الْإِسَاءَةِ إِلَيْهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for a right of your child, you should know that he is from you, and an addition to you in the current world with his goodness and his evil, and you will be questioned about what you had been in charge with him, from the good education, and the pointing to his Lord^-azwj Mighty and Majestic, and the assistance to him upon obeying Him^-azwj. Therefore, work regarding his affairs the world of the one who knows that he will be Rewarded upon the goodness to him, punished upon the evil to him (an extract).[63]  .

Rights of a brother:

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ أَخِيكَ فَأَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّهُ يَدُكَ وَ عِزُّكَ وَ قُوَّتُكَ فَلَا تَتَّخِذْهُ سِلَاحاً عَلَى مَعْصِيَةِ اللَّهِ وَ لَا عُدَّةَ لِلظُّلْمِ لِخَلْقِ اللَّهِ وَ لَا تَدَعْ نُصْرَتَهُ عَلَى عَدُوِّهِ وَ النَّصِيحَةَ لَهُ فَإِنْ أَطَاعَ اللَّهَ وَ إِلَّا فَلْيَكُنِ اللَّهُ أَكْرَمَ عَلَيْكَ مِنْهُ وَ لَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for a right of your brother, you should know that he is your hand, and your honour, and your strength, so do not take him as a weapon upon disobeying Allah^-azwj nor as a tool for oppressing the people, nor leave helping him against his enemy, and the good advice to him. Either he obeys Allah^-azwj, or else Allah^-azwj would be more honourable upon you than him, and there is no strength except with Allah^-azwj (an extract).[64]

Right of the one who has favoured you:

وَ أَمَّا حَقُّ ذِي الْمَعْرُوفِ عَلَيْكَ فَأَنْ تَشْكُرَهُ وَ تَذْكُرَ مَعْرُوفَهُ وَ تَكْسِبَهُ الْمَقَالَةَ الْحَسَنَةَ وَ تُخْلِصَ لَهُ الدُّعَاءَ فِيمَا بَيْنَكَ وَ بَيْنَ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ فَإِذَا فَعَلْتَ ذَلِكَ كُنْتَ قَدْ شَكَرْتَهُ سِرّاً وَ عَلَانِيَةً ثُمَّ إِنْ قَدَرْتَ عَلَى مُكَافَاتِهِ يَوْماً كَافَأْتَهُ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and as for a right of the one with an act of kindness upon you is that you should thank him and mention his act of kindness, and earn the goodly words for him, and be sincere to him of the supplication regarding what is between you and Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic. When you were to do that, your would have thanked him secretly and openly. Then if you are able upon sufficing (reciprocating) him one day, suffice him (an extract).[65].

Rights of elder and children from Muslims:

وَ حَقُّ الْكَبِيرِ تَوْقِيرُهُ لِسِنِّهِ وَ إِجْلَالُهُ لِتَقَدُّمِهِ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ قَبْلَكَ وَ تَرْكُ مُقَابَلَتِهِ عِنْدَ الْخِصَامِ وَ لَا تَسْبِقْهُ إِلَى طَرِيقٍ وَ لَا تَتَقَدَّمْهُ وَ لَا تَسْتَجْهِلْهُ وَ إِنْ جَهِلَ عَلَيْكَ احْتَمَلْتَهُ وَ أَكْرَمْتَهُ لِحَقِّ الْإِسْلَامِ وَ حُرْمَتِهِ

(In a lengthy Hadith from Ali^-asws Bin Al-Husayn^-asws it is narrated) and a right of the elder is that you should accord him dignity due to his age and revere him due to his being ahead in Al-Islam before you, and leave the duelling during the dispute, and do not precede him to a road, nor be in front of him, nor deem him to be ignorant and even if he were to be ignorant to you. Tolerate him and honour him due to the right of Al-Islam and its sanctity.

وَ حَقُّ الصَّغِيرِ رَحْمَتُهُ فِي تَعْلِيمِهِ وَ الْعَفْوُ عَنْهُ وَ السَّتْرُ عَلَيْهِ وَ الرِّفْقُ بِهِ وَ الْمَعُونَةُ لَهُ

And a right of the young is you should teach him, and pardon him, and cover upon him, and the kindness with him, and the assistance to him.

وَ حَقُّ مَنْ سَرَّكَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى بِهِ أَنْ تَحْمَدَ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ أَوَّلًا ثُمَّ تَشْكُرَهُ

And a right of the one whom Allah^-azwj the Exalted has cheered you through him is that you should praise Allah^-azwj Mighty and Majestic firstly, then thank him.

وَ حَقُّ مَنْ سَاءَكَ أَنْ تَعْفُوَ عَنْهُ وَ إِنْ عَلِمْتَ أَنَّ الْعَفْوَ يَضُرُّ انْتَصَرْتَ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَبَارَكَ وَ تَعَالَى‏ وَ لَمَنِ انْتَصَرَ بَعْدَ ظُلْمِهِ فَأُولئِكَ ما عَلَيْهِمْ مِنْ سَبِيلٍ‏

And a right of the one who offends you is that you should pardon him, and even if you were to know that the pardoning is harmful, you will have won. Allah^-azwj Blessed and Exalted Said: And the one who triumphs after having been oppressed, so those ones, they is no way (to blame) upon them [42:41].

وَ أَنْ تَكُونَ شُيُوخُهُمْ بِمَنْزِلَةِ أَبِيكَ وَ شَبَابُهُمْ بِمَنْزِلَةِ إِخْوَتِكَ وَ عَجَائِزُهُمْ بِمَنْزِلَةِ أُمِّكَ وَ الصِّغَارُ بِمَنْزِلَةِ أَوْلَادِكَ

And that you should make their elders to be at the status of your father, and their youth at the status of your brothers, and their old women at the status of your mother, and the young ones at the status of your children. .[66]

عَنْهُ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ أَبِي نَهْشَلٍ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ قَالَ قَالَ لِي أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) مِنْ إِجْلَالِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِجْلَالُ الْمُؤْمِنِ ذِي الشَّيْبَةِ وَ مَنْ أَكْرَمَ مُؤْمِناً فَبِكَرَامَةِ اللَّهِ بَدَأَ وَ مَنِ اسْتَخَفَّ بِمُؤْمِنٍ ذِي شَيْبَةٍ أَرْسَلَ اللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ مَنْ يَسْتَخِفُّ بِهِ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِ

From him, from his father, from Abu Nahshal, from Abdullah Bin Sinan who said,

‘Abu Abdullah^-asws said to me: ‘From the respect of Allah^-azwj is respecting the Momin with an old age; and the one who honours a Momin, so he has begun by honouring Allah^-azwj, and the one takes lightly with a Momin with an old age, Allah^-azwj would Send him one who would take lightly with him before his death’.[67]

Rights of Relatives:

عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنْ صَالِحِ بْنِ أَبِي حَمَّادٍ عَنِ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ عَنْ صَفْوَانَ عَنِ الْجَهْمِ بْنِ حُمَيْدٍ قَالَ قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) تَكُونُ لِيَ الْقَرَابَةُ عَلَى غَيْرِ أَمْرِي أَ لَهُمْ عَلَيَّ حَقٌّ قَالَ نَعَمْ حَقُّ الرَّحِمِ لَا يَقْطَعُهُ شَيْ‏ءٌ وَ إِذَا كَانُوا عَلَى أَمْرِكَ كَانَ لَهُمْ حَقَّانِ حَقُّ الرَّحِمِ وَ حَقُّ الْإِسْلَامِ

Ali Bin Muhammad, from Salih Bin Abu Hammad, from Al Hassan Bin Ali, from Safwan, from Al Jaham Bin Humeyd who said,

‘I said to Abu Abdullah^-asws, ‘There happen to be relatives for him being upon other than my matter (Al-Wilayah). Is there (any) right for them upon me?’ He^-asws said: ‘Yes, the right of kinship. Nothing can cut if off. And had they been upon your matter (Al-Wilayah), there would have been two rights for them – the right of the kinship and the right of Al-Islam’.[68]

عَنْهُ عَنْ غَيْرِ وَاحِدٍ عَنْ زِيَادٍ الْقَنْدِيِّ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) إِنَّ الْقَوْمَ لَيَكُونُونَ فَجَرَةً وَ لَا يَكُونُونَ بَرَرَةً فَيَصِلُونَ أَرْحَامَهُمْ فَتَنْمِي أَمْوَالُهُمْ وَ تَطُولُ أَعْمَارُهُمْ فَكَيْفَ إِذَا كَانُوا أَبْرَاراً بَرَرَةً

From him, from someone else, from Ziyad Al Qandy, from Abdullah Bin Sinan,

(It has been narrated) from Abu Abdullah^-asws having said: ‘Rasool-Allah^-saww said: ‘The group of the people happens to be immoral and they do not happen to be righteous, so they are maintaining their kinships, and are developing their wealth and prolonging their life-spans. So how would it be if they were righteous, doing righteous deeds?’[69]

How to deal with aggressive relatives?

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ النُّعْمَانِ عَنْ إِسْحَاقَ بْنِ عَمَّارٍ قَالَ قَالَ بَلَغَنِي عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ( عليه السلام ) أَنَّ رَجُلًا أَتَى النَّبِيَّ ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَهْلُ بَيْتِي أَبَوْا إِلَّا تَوَثُّباً عَلَيَّ وَ قَطِيعَةً لِي وَ شَتِيمَةً فَأَرْفُضُهُمْ قَالَ إِذاً يَرْفُضَكُمُ اللَّهُ جَمِيعاً قَالَ فَكَيْفَ أَصْنَعُ قَالَ تَصِلُ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ وَ تُعْطِي مَنْ حَرَمَكَ وَ تَعْفُو عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ فَإِنَّكَ إِذَا فَعَلْتَ ذَلِكَ كَانَ لَكَ مِنَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْهِمْ ظَهِيرٌ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad Bin Isa, from Ali Bin Al Numan, from Is’haq Bin Ammar who said,

‘It reached me from Abu Abdullah^-asws that a man came over to the Prophet^-saww and he said, ‘O Rasool-Allah^-saww! My family members refuse except to leap upon me and cut me off and accuse me. So, shall I reject them?’

He^-saww (Rasool Allah) said: ‘Then Allah^-azwj would Reject you entirely’. He said, ‘So how shall I deal with it?’ He^-saww said: ‘Maintain good relationship with the one who cuts you off, and give to the one who deprives you, and excuse the one who oppresses you, for when you do that, there would be for you, from Allah^-azwj, a Backing’.[70]

[1] Quran – Wikipedia; ttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam

[2] Al-Kafi, Vol. 8, H. 14808

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي نَصْرٍ عَنِ الرِّضَا ( عليه السلام ) قَالَ الظِّهَارُ لَا يَقَعُ عَلَى الْغَضَبِ

Muhammad Bin Yahya, from Ahmad Bin Muhammad, from Ibn Abu Nasr, from,

Al-Reza^-asws having said: ‘The Zahaar does not occur upon the anger’.[2]

[3] Al Kafi – V 7 – The Book of Oaths, and the Vows, and the Expiations Ch 7 H 17

[4] Al Kafi – V 7 – The Book of Legal Penalties Ch 63 H 3

[5] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 70 – The book of Eman and Kufr – Ch 132 H 9

[6] Al Kafi – V 6 – The Book of Drinks Ch 2 H 2

[7] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 3

[8] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[9] نهج البلاغة (للصبحي صالح)، ص: 550, Nahjul Balagha, Saying no. 420 Urdu, 429 English.

[10] الكافي 2: 261/ 7

[11] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 1

[12] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 14

[13] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 15

[14] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 7

[15] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 8

[16] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 11

[17] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 80

[18] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 6

[19] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 10

[20] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Subsistence Ch 1 H 1

[21] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 13

[22] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 2

[23] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 21

[24] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 143 H 6

[25] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 49

[26] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 42

[27] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 62

[28] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 65

[29] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 66

[30] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 67

[31] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 95

[32] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 24

[33]                         بحار الأنوار (ط – بيروت)، ج‏71، ص: 80, H.83

[34] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 95

[35] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[36] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 17

[37] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 36

[38] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 3

[39] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 16

[40] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 19

[41] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 6

[42] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 69 H 5

[43] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[44] Al Kafi – V 7 – The Book of Bequests Ch 23 H 18

[45] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 95

[46] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 2 H 99

[47] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 13 H 10

[48] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 14 H 23

[49] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Subsistence Ch 47 H 6

[50] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 144 H 8

[51] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 152 H 1

[52] Al-Kafi, vol. 5, pg.9

[53] Manlah Hazar ul Faqqih, vol, 3, h, 4516

[54] Manlah Hazar ul Faqqih, vol, 3, h, 4926,       من‏لايحضره‏الفقيه     3     561    باب النوادر …..  ص : 551

[55] بحار الأنوار (ط – بيروت)، ج‏71، ص: 5, Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[56] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 147 H 1

[57] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 147 H 5

[58] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 147 H 6

[59] Manla YahzarulFaqih, tradition 4415.

[60] Manla YahzarulFaqih, tradition 4526.

[61] Manla YahzarulFaqih, tradition 4534.

[62] Al Kafi – V 5 – The Book of Marriage Ch 142 H 4

[63] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[64] بحار الأنوار (ط – بيروت)، ج‏71، ص: 5, Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[65] بحار الأنوار (ط – بيروت)، ج‏71، ص: 5, Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1

[66] Bihar Al-Anwaar V 71 – The book of relationships – Ch 1 H 1 a

[67] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Social Relationships CH 16 H 5

[68] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 68 H 30

[69] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 68 H 21

[70] Al Kafi V 2 – The Book Of Belief and Disbelief CH 68 H 2